Not here for your entertainment

I know as moms we often struggle with "mom guilt" because we feel like we aren't doing enough. Some days we feel like we've got it all together and we are doing things really well, and then the next day somebody pulls the rug out from under us and all heck breaks loose and it's all we can do to keep our heads above water... sometimes it's the latter more than it's the former. The world tells us that we have to do everything and be everything and have our kids involved in activities and sports every. single. day... that we have to be on the go 24/7. Things like Pinterest has tons of ideas on how to throw the best birthday parties and how to fill each moment with excitement and meaning.

I honestly believe that that's not what God wants for our families. I feel like God wants us to be present in our children's lives to teach them love other people, to treat each other with respect and kindness and to look for ways to help those in need. I feel like what God wants from us as mothers more than anything else is to teach our children to love Him and to love and care for other people.
The bible says in Proverbs 22:6

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Notice that it doesn't say, "entertain your child and fill their days with activities all the days of their lives" because that isn't going to produce loving, empathetic, functional human beings. How often do we hear the words, "I'm bored." like we are a cruise director here to organize the next exciting thing? God didn't put me on this earth to entertain my children all day long. Don't get me wrong, I love reading to them and playing "sardines in a can" (kind of a reverse hide and seek), we bake cookies and do art projects together, but my life doesn't (and shouldn't) revolve around making sure they are entertained all day long. They need to learn to entertain themselves while I make sure they don't cut each other's hair and light the house on fire. It's good for their imagination and their character to learn to "entertain" themselves.

Don't fret over every single minute of the day, just be there for your kids and teach them to love God and love His people.

Just a recent picture I look of my husband and our middle daughter <3

Day 4 of no TV

On Saturday I had a moment of insanity and I can't take it back now for fear of being viewed as weak by the underlings (my children).

I had a baby shower to go to and left my husband and two of my three kids with him. The youngest was sleeping and our oldest (daddy's girl) was looking forward to some one on one time with her dad while middle sister and I went to the baby shower. I instructed them to not just sit around and watch TV, but to actually work on something together and just enjoy talking and doing something together... I got home to learn that they had watched movies (I'm sure they were both to blame). I kinda lost my mind at that point because I was hoping to come home to a little housework taken off my plate, or at least a little clutter taken care of. I hastily said, "No TV for a week, we are getting stuff done around here and I need help!"

It's Tuesday night and I don't know how I'm going to make it 4 more days with PBS kids to hold their attention long enough to sneak off to the bathroom to pee by myself and sneak a few sips of coffee. How am I going to get the two younger ones to sit still long enough to get some school work done with their sister? HOW will I make that homemade lasagna for supper tomorrow night? Why didn't I think this week's menu through when I laid down the law? Why didn't I plan on frozen pizza and Instant Pot meals all week?

In all honesty it's not going too badly, Sunday morning we were EARLY to church! We were all dressed and fed and looking presentable when we got there and we didn't feel rushed or cranky! We got quite a bit done around the house this weekend too! Monday was a breeze because my middle daughter spent the night at Grandma's and we got school work done in record time before we went outside to stomp in puddles during baby boy's nap time (baby monitor in hand)...

Today, however, was a challenge! My husband left for work a good hour or better earlier than usual and that threw our world into chaos! Our oldest is a daddy's girl and looks forward to morning cuddles and coffee with dad in the mornings but he was gone when she woke up. When she came into our room and discovered her baby brother and I were in there alone (and half asleep after a night of teething terror) she lost it and started wailing, waking her brother and I from half asleep to fully awake. After that we were all a little on the cranky side and all they wanted to do was watch TV, I held fast to my "no TV rule" today but there were weak moments where I thought, "maybe just one show so I can go to the bathroom and then start dinner." but I let them destroy my house (and sanity) instead.

Tomorrow we clean their room while brother naps... or we will binge watch PBS kids all morning, it depends on how much sleep I get tonight ;)

Pray without ceasing

I love studies on prayer, books about prayer, short blurbs about prayer, Bible studies about prayer... I. Love. Prayer.

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Prayer is our direct line to talk to God, to have a truly meaningful two way relationship with our creator. It's a beautiful and magnificent gift that's been given to us.
There are times where I lay awake at night that I find peace in conversation with God. I can't imagine a world without prayer, without this lifeline to God. There are times where we feel so hopeless and so broken and so hurt by the world and those of the world that only the creator of the world could truly understand (because he can see into our heart and soul and knows our deepest hurts and struggles) and we have this gift to be able to talk to him about it and know that he hears us.

Psalm 34:17
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.

I recently did a study on raising children to be grateful and thankful and one of the biggest things that I took away from it is praying more with your children (particularly prayers of thanksgiving and gratitude) and I feel like that's opened up a whole other side of things that I wasn't fully taking advantage of. Sure I would pray with my kids, especially at meal times or if there was something specifically on their minds, but now I'll pray with them when we're laying in bed together or when we're just driving in the car. I want my kids to know that prayer is more than just sitting down and giving God a laundry list of things that you want, it's a daily conversation that's ongoing and ever-changing and that He listens to our hearts even even when we don't know the words that we need to say.

Romans 8:26
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

Prayer is powerful. Pray for your children daily. Pray for your spouse and your marriage daily. Pray that God uses you to your fullest potential and that you allow it to happen. Beautiful things happen when you pray.

Becoming a better wife

One of my New Years goals was to be a better wife. It seems like by the end of the day I am so worn out from taking care of three kids that my husband was getting my leftovers. He was getting jipped! I decided that I wanted to make an extra effort to make sure my husband knows that I love and appreciate him. Some days it's as simple as a post it on his coffee mug saying "I love you babe! Have a great day!" or something more elaborate like his favorite meal and a back rub. The point is that I am trying to show love for my husband without expecting anything in return. And you know what, it's making a difference! It's reminding me daily to put aside selfish tendencies and focus on being selfless, it's making my husband feel more loved and accepted and he is starting to reciprocate (though that isn't expected).
A big part of this is prayerfulness. Prayer is such a strong and powerful thing. I feel like when I set aside time to talk to God about my husband and my marriage, it truly makes a difference. It also helps me focus on our relationship more.
Some days are easier than others but it isn't a fruitless endeavor!

proverbs 14:1 says:
The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.

I almost had a baby in the car!

Hello friends, It's been so long since I've written a post and I feel like I have a lot to share! I've been absent for the better part of a year because we were surprised with the pregnancy of our son, started homeschooling and nearly had the baby in the car! Now that I feel like we've adjusted to life with three kids I thought I'd post an update and get back to writing!
Here is the low down on the ten minute delivery (and what was almost Interstate delivery)... I had been having contractions between 20-30 min apart on Monday night, Tuesday morning I had an appointment at 10 and my contractions were about 20 min apart. My doctor felt like I was in early labor and did a membrane sweep at 10:00. He said I was at 3.5 cm I went home and got some things together and took a bath. My contractions got stronger and closer together really fast and I told Chris and Ann (our fabulous doula) to head on to the house around 11:30-12:00 They both got to the house at around 12:30 and we headed to the hospital. I had several contractions during the short drive to the hospital and the whole time I was thinking, "I'm probably only at 6-7 cm, I don't think I can handle the natural birth I've wanted." We checked in at the ER at 12:59, my water broke in the ER bathroom where my husband and a nurse had to coax me to a bed because after my water broke, my whole body and every ounce of willpower went into NOT PUSHING. Once they got me into a bed they checked me and I was 9cm! As soon as they had checked me they whisked me down the hall in a hurry and people joined us the whole way to the delivery room. I was surrounded by a flurry of amazing nurses, my amazing husband and our fabulous doula. The ER Doctor came rushing in, checked me and told me I could push if I felt like it, I felt like it, and Wesley was born at 1:09 I didn't even have an ID bracelet, IV or monitors on! It was FAST! The nurses were asking my name as they were handing me my baby! We had about two hours of skin to skin before the nursery nurse came in to check weight and give him a bath. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better outcome or experience!

His sisters were OVER THE MOON when they met him! They have been such amazing big sisters and my love for them grows daily!

There is NOTHING more precious to a mother than her sleeping baby...










Except maybe when they are awake <3

Feeling inadequate?

Feeling inadequate as a mother? You are not alone! 

I don't know how many times I've heard fellow moms (or myself) utter words like, "I'm just not cut out for this." or "I'm not a very good mom." The truth is, we are all just figuring it out as we go, none of us has all the answers. We are all going to make mistakes but you want to know something? Our kids love us anyway! 

A few weeks ago we had a really hard day, my youngest had an OT appointment and her regular therapist was sick so we had a different girl... Not always easy for people on the sensory spectrum. Then we had a two hour Walmart trip from Hell (no other way to describe it) where we made 4 trips to the bathroom and the youngest ended up with a busted lip when she and her big sister were racing to the bathroom and got tangled up. Well, that was it for her and she went into a sensory meltdown right there in Walmart! People stared, I nearly cried and walked out without my groceries but I had come too far to turn back! Then the floor waxing machine passed by us and little one lost it all over again because she was already on sensory overload and even quiet noises hurt her ears when she is overloaded. People stared and even gave me dirty looks because she was screaming, I grabbed the last couple of things I needed and got out of there as fast as I could!

When we got home a bird somehow managed to find its way inside! I finally managed to get it back outside after much wailing and gnashing of teeth and we didn't do much the rest of the day. 

My husband came home that night and offered to take us out to eat before Church and I was so thankful I didn't have to cook. I told him what an awful day it had been and he went to go check on the kids (who were SUPPOSE to be cleaning their room), he met our oldest in the hall and she says, "Dad, today was AMAZING! There was a bird in the house, it was AWESOME!!"

Here I was feeling like a failure and that the kids surely had to hate me after the day we had and all they remembered was that dang bird in the house and how "awesome" it was! Perspective dears, it's all about perspective.

There are so many mom blogs, Pinterest pins and memes that tell us to savor every moment and enjoy every second of parenthood and a lot of times it makes us feel like we must be doing something wrong because we don't LOVE every second. Sometimes I want to lock myself in a closet because the kids won't stop screaming and climbing all over me... or there is a bird loose in my house. It's never a dull moment around here and some days are harder than others. The main thing is that I love my kids and they know it. 

I've been a full time working mom, a part time working mom and now I'm a full time stay at home mom and they each present their own unique challenges. The thing is, we all have guilt that we aren't doing enough. When I worked full time I always felt like I was missing so much, working part time I still felt like I was away a lot but I also had the guilt of having cut our income just so I could spend more time with my baby. Now as a stay at home mom, I don't contribute financially and every second of every day is filled up with memory making and learning activities, therapy appointments, rainbow school... You get the idea, we are always on the go and it can be exhausting and by the end of the day I'm spent and just want to lock myself up in my room with a pint of Ben and Jerry's. 

Motherhood can be isolating in some ways too, even as a stay at home mom. Play dates (which are few and far between) are about keeping up with multiple kids at a park somewhere and is never a break for us moms to sit and chat, we're too busy making sure our kids aren't climbing up the slide, pushing a stranger's kid off the monkey bars, eating dirt or running away to pet a dog across the park. Our last play date consisted of me and my youngest sitting in a corner while I calmed another sensory meltdown and she chewed on my sweatshirt until she felt better (and my shirt was soaked).  I can't remember the last lunch date I had that didn't involve fries and a playground. I have a couple of mom friends that I get to chat with on the phone now and then but they are just as busy as I am most of the time and half of our conversation time involves at least one of us breaking up fights, taking someone potty or changing diapers while we try to pay attention to what our friend is saying.

It's not always easy, it's not always fun, it's not always beautiful. This mom gig is a tough job! It's tough to be a working mom and miss your kids all day, only to come home to chores and cooking to do. It's hard being a stay at home mom too, having kids climbing all over you, hearing, "mom" 3,000 before lunch, having an audience while you pee and having to reheat your first cup of coffee 3 times before finally just giving up.

Give yourself a break, know that you aren't the only one that feels this way! I love going to another mom's house and seeing that it isn't immaculate, I feel more normal knowing we aren't the only ones with broken colors scattered all over! It makes me feel less insane when I see three baskets of clean laundry waiting to be folded in the living room and a sink full of last night's dishes waiting to be washed! 

When I get a text from a fellow mom that just says, "I give up, Calgon take me away!" I smile and nod because I feel that way at the end of most days but I wouldn't trade this life for anything. Love yourselves mamas, and know that you are not alone in this! Your kids won't remember the awful trips to Walmart or the sub par lunch of apples, cheese sticks and chips because you haven't had the courage to go grocery shopping yet, they remember the excitement of the bird flying around the house as you wave a broom toward the open front door, "Dad, today was AMAZING!!!". Hug your kids, tell them how amazing they are and how much you love them, that's what it's all about anyway.

The ghost hunters!

Has your child ever stolen something from another kid? Have you ever had to call another mom and explain that their child's favorite toy ended up in your child's pocket "by mistake" after a play date? Have you ever threatened to take away your child's favorite toy because they stole from somebody else? No? Just me?? Well, here is the story of my parenting low...

Yesterday one of my girlfriends had my daughters and I over for breakfast and a play date. She wanted to treat me to biscuits and chocolate gravy (HEAVEN!!!!) for my upcoming birthday. We had a good time chatting and refereeing our 4 kids. Zo (my almost 4 year old) was having an obeying problem and ended up in the corner once or twice while there but we got out mainly unscathed.

After we got home and had naps we were getting ready to meet my aunt for some Easter dress shopping when I noticed something in Zo's jacket pocket... I reached in and pulled out a tiny wind up ghost toy from our friend's house! After a chat with Z about honesty, she admitted that she had taken it from their house because "I didn't have one and I liked it." Great, looks like we are going to the library for a book on stealing!

I snapped a picture of the toy and sent my friend a text saying that we had their toy and that I was sorry my child is a thief. I started getting shoes on the girls and changing my clothes when she replied that it was one of her baby's favorite toys and to just stick it in my purse so I could give it to her Friday at my birthday shin dig. I went to the kitchen (where I had taken the picture) to grab it and toss it in my purse but, alas, it wasn't there... I JUST HAD IT 5 MINUTES AGO!? I turn to my 2 and 3 year olds and asked them who had taken it, neither would fess up.

I spent the next 15 minutes retracing my steps all over the house before, exasperated, I gave up and went to meet my aunt at the mall. The whole way to the mall I explain that when we get home they WILL find that toy or we would be giving away one of Z's favorite toys, her beloved beanie bear. She squawked and squealed all the way to the mall. I got there all flustered and chased two wild women all over Dillard's and half of the mall as they ran in separate directions for the next hour and a half.

I got home and showed my husband the picture of the ghost and set him the task of helping the kids find it while I fixed dinner. In between cooking taco meat and making the guacamole, I searched as well. Z looked here and there halfheartedly and announced that she had searched the whole house and it was gone so it must be back at her friend's house... Riiiiight. We put her in her sister's crib and I took beanie bear away. Chris pulled our bed away from the wall to see if it had fallen back there, nope but there was quite a bit of junk we won't speak of! I pulled the sofa across the living room to see if it was under or behind there... I found 5 shoes (only one pair), lots of missing toys, a pad for my steam mop and a (clean) cloth diaper, but no ghost.

At this point I was so mad we had lost this stupid little ghost that I was almost prepared to make Z go to bed without a chance to ignore her supper (because we all know she won't eat it anyway) when my husband asks something about wearing a jacket today, "yes!" I replied, "That was where I found it to begin with." He shook his head and said, "No, were YOU wearing a jacket?" Was I? I wore a sweater to the mall without a jacket because what I had on had a hole in the elbow that made me look like a hobo so I changed... WAIT!! I go to the bedroom and pick up my favorite tattered old Eddie Bauer jacket, that feels .2 oz heavier than normal, and there is that stinking, illusive ghost!

I went to the girls' room and extracted Z from sister's bed and show her the ghost. I explained that I had found it in my jacket pocket and that I was sorry for taking her beanie bear away. I took her to the table and gave her a taco that she scarfed down with a few blue corn chips. I sit there exhausted from frustration and wonder out loud if I have enough sunlight left for a quick run to clear my head... Hubs encourages it and I head for the door for a 1.4 mile jog/run to the park and back.

I got home and Z and I make peace once and for all when she offers to rub my sore legs to make them feel better. Then we cuddled and told each other over and over "I love you".

Have you ever had a "crazy mom moment"?