I don't know how many times I've heard fellow moms (or myself) utter words like, "I'm just not cut out for this." or "I'm not a very good mom." The truth is, we are all just figuring it out as we go, none of us has all the answers. We are all going to make mistakes but you want to know something? Our kids love us anyway!
A few weeks ago we had a really hard day, my youngest had an OT appointment and her regular therapist was sick so we had a different girl... Not always easy for people on the sensory spectrum. Then we had a two hour Walmart trip from Hell (no other way to describe it) where we made 4 trips to the bathroom and the youngest ended up with a busted lip when she and her big sister were racing to the bathroom and got tangled up. Well, that was it for her and she went into a sensory meltdown right there in Walmart! People stared, I nearly cried and walked out without my groceries but I had come too far to turn back! Then the floor waxing machine passed by us and little one lost it all over again because she was already on sensory overload and even quiet noises hurt her ears when she is overloaded. People stared and even gave me dirty looks because she was screaming, I grabbed the last couple of things I needed and got out of there as fast as I could!
When we got home a bird somehow managed to find its way inside! I finally managed to get it back outside after much wailing and gnashing of teeth and we didn't do much the rest of the day.
My husband came home that night and offered to take us out to eat before Church and I was so thankful I didn't have to cook. I told him what an awful day it had been and he went to go check on the kids (who were SUPPOSE to be cleaning their room), he met our oldest in the hall and she says, "Dad, today was AMAZING! There was a bird in the house, it was AWESOME!!"
Here I was feeling like a failure and that the kids surely had to hate me after the day we had and all they remembered was that dang bird in the house and how "awesome" it was! Perspective dears, it's all about perspective.
There are so many mom blogs, Pinterest pins and memes that tell us to savor every moment and enjoy every second of parenthood and a lot of times it makes us feel like we must be doing something wrong because we don't LOVE every second. Sometimes I want to lock myself in a closet because the kids won't stop screaming and climbing all over me... or there is a bird loose in my house. It's never a dull moment around here and some days are harder than others. The main thing is that I love my kids and they know it.
I've been a full time working mom, a part time working mom and now I'm a full time stay at home mom and they each present their own unique challenges. The thing is, we all have guilt that we aren't doing enough. When I worked full time I always felt like I was missing so much, working part time I still felt like I was away a lot but I also had the guilt of having cut our income just so I could spend more time with my baby. Now as a stay at home mom, I don't contribute financially and every second of every day is filled up with memory making and learning activities, therapy appointments, rainbow school... You get the idea, we are always on the go and it can be exhausting and by the end of the day I'm spent and just want to lock myself up in my room with a pint of Ben and Jerry's.
Motherhood can be isolating in some ways too, even as a stay at home mom. Play dates (which are few and far between) are about keeping up with multiple kids at a park somewhere and is never a break for us moms to sit and chat, we're too busy making sure our kids aren't climbing up the slide, pushing a stranger's kid off the monkey bars, eating dirt or running away to pet a dog across the park. Our last play date consisted of me and my youngest sitting in a corner while I calmed another sensory meltdown and she chewed on my sweatshirt until she felt better (and my shirt was soaked). I can't remember the last lunch date I had that didn't involve fries and a playground. I have a couple of mom friends that I get to chat with on the phone now and then but they are just as busy as I am most of the time and half of our conversation time involves at least one of us breaking up fights, taking someone potty or changing diapers while we try to pay attention to what our friend is saying.
It's not always easy, it's not always fun, it's not always beautiful. This mom gig is a tough job! It's tough to be a working mom and miss your kids all day, only to come home to chores and cooking to do. It's hard being a stay at home mom too, having kids climbing all over you, hearing, "mom" 3,000 before lunch, having an audience while you pee and having to reheat your first cup of coffee 3 times before finally just giving up.
Give yourself a break, know that you aren't the only one that feels this way! I love going to another mom's house and seeing that it isn't immaculate, I feel more normal knowing we aren't the only ones with broken colors scattered all over! It makes me feel less insane when I see three baskets of clean laundry waiting to be folded in the living room and a sink full of last night's dishes waiting to be washed!
When I get a text from a fellow mom that just says, "I give up, Calgon take me away!" I smile and nod because I feel that way at the end of most days but I wouldn't trade this life for anything. Love yourselves mamas, and know that you are not alone in this! Your kids won't remember the awful trips to Walmart or the sub par lunch of apples, cheese sticks and chips because you haven't had the courage to go grocery shopping yet, they remember the excitement of the bird flying around the house as you wave a broom toward the open front door, "Dad, today was AMAZING!!!". Hug your kids, tell them how amazing they are and how much you love them, that's what it's all about anyway.
