To the childless parenting expert: 5 things parents want to tell you.

How often do parents get parenting advice from childless peers that know everything about parenting? I'm not trying to start something here but I think I need to point out that nobody knows more, cares more or is willing to give up more for a child than their parents. I get tired of people telling me how I should be doing things... When to stop nursing, what my kids should and shouldn't eat, what their sleeping habits should be, etc.

1. Having younger siblings, nieces and nephews, friends with kids or pets isn't the same thing.

I know a lot of people think that if they are exposed to tiny humans before becoming a parent they will know how to do it all (I shamefully admit that I use to be one of them). NOT TRUE! Sure, you pick up a few tricks of the trade but I've been a mom for three years now and I'm still no expert! As a friend, sibling or aunt/uncle, you aren't really responsible for anything for longer than a couple of hours here and there. You don't sit up at night worrying about every little thing. Also, pets aren't the same as kids: you can't put your baby in a kennel or on a run outside while you run to the store, you can't leave a bowl of milk or food in their crib and sleep all night, and the puppy stage lasts seconds compared to the newborn stage of a baby.

2. Please leave discipline up to the parents.

Sometimes you are around people with children and you disapprove of the form of discipline used (or even lack of discipline) but it really isn't your place. Telling someone how to raise their children rarely goes over well. Unless you have been given previous consent, don't try to discipline somebody elses child. They may not say anything to you about it but it is really irritating to watch someone else try to do your job. There may be a reason they aren't disciplining their child right there... maybe they are on a reward system at home or maybe they don't think the action deserves the same discipline you do.

3. Don't feed my child without permission.

There are so many allergies and food issues these days! I have to monitor everything my girls eat to make sure they are getting enough fiber and very few starches. Some kids have nut allergies, gluten allergies or even fruit allergies. Not to mention a lot of moms try to limit sugars. It's always best to ask a parent before giving their child something to eat or drink.

4. Please don't question my parenting or tease me in front of my kids.

I get it, you may not agree with every decision I make for my kids. You may think I'm a mean mom for not letting my kids have tons of sugar an hour before suppertime but please don't make fun of me... especially in front of my children. Saying things like, "What a fuddy duddy." or, "Mean mommy." teaches my children to disrespect me and then they will be the ones getting in trouble.

5. We take pride in our job as parents.

When someone gives me advice like, "You should let her cry it out." or "Put her down or she will never learn to walk." what I hear is, "You are an awful mom and you're doing it all wrong." It's bad enough to hear that from grandparents and peers with kids but to hear it from somebody that doesn't know what it's like to be a parent is truly hurtful.

I know there are lots of people that love my children dearly and love to spoil them and love on them. I get it, there are lots of kids that I have felt that way for too! I just think sometimes we forget that the parents usually know their children better than anybody else and therefore know what is best for them. I know that not everyone is going to agree with every parenting style but parents deserve respect. Respect a parent's wishes and decisions.

Now, if you see my child running toward the street or you see me not buckling my child into their proper car seat, Please say something! Help keep my kids safe if they are in danger! 

Insomnia:

Ever since I was a kid I've always had trouble sleeping. I've always considered myself a night own but it's really more than that. I can lie in bed for hours and my brain refuses to shut off. I think about things I need to do the following day, I pray, I run through every single worry in my head, I look at the clock and calculate how many hours I'll of sleep I would get if only I could fall asleep.
I've tried sleepy time teas, hot baths, lavender oils (hubs hates lavender) and even wine. And nothing really helps. I use to catch up on my sleep on weekends back in the BC days (before children) but those days are long gone. I never knew a person could function on such little sleep. I was up all night Wednesday night with a sick kiddo and finally got about 3 hours of on and off sleep between 8:30 and noon yesterday. I really expected to sleep well last night due to exhaustion... No such luck! I was in bed for 3 hours before I finally fell asleep!
Who knew you could survive on so little sleep? Tonight Maybe I'll have some tea, a warm bath and then some meditation time... I've never tried that before.

The unspoken truth of birth control...

There seems to be a lot of controversy about Hobby Lobby and their stance on birth control. Most birth control and the morning after pill work in several different ways, one of which is by preventing implantation of a fertilized egg (it says so on the insert you get with your birth control).

Hobby Lobby is founded on Christian principles and many Christians disagree with hormonal birth control because it could dispose of a fertilized egg which is already considered a baby by many Christian or pro life folks.  It all comes down to if you believe life begins at conception or not.

Agree or disagree, read the facts in the insert and decide for yourself what you believe. If those employees want birth control it shouldn't be the job of their employer to provide them with it... Especially if they disagree with the way it works. You wouldn't ask a Jewish person to provide pork for their employees.

Why is it that if a Christian disagrees with the worldly view of something we are ignorant, stupid, hateful or any other number of things but when the world disagrees on a Christian view of something it's totally okay?

I've kept my opinion on birth control very private for a few years now because it isn't the popular opinion and because I didn't want to make my friends and family, that do use birth control, uncomfortable.

The truth is, a friend brought it to my attention a few years ago and I felt betrayed by my doctor for not telling me this! How could I have been on this for so long without knowing!? I cried as I wondered how many fertilized eggs (mine and Chris' babies) had been "absorbed by my body" as my doctor put it. It broke my heart! I haven't been on traditional birth control since then.

Here is information on the birth control that I was using until I actually took time to read and understand how it was working. Knowledge is power.

Information found here.

Citrus Lame!

On citrus Lane's website they say, "Tell us your little one’s age (from newborn to 5-years-old) so we pick just the right products for your box." You fill out a little profile on your child and they say they will send you a personalized box for your child with age appropriate items. I filled out my profile, they auto drafted my checking account and I waited two months for my first box! When it finally came I grabbed my 2 year old and we opened the box together and I was a little disappointed...

 First off, I don't think this is worth $25! I got a 20 pack of hand wipes, a 20 pack of band aids, a coloring book and markers, a 4 pack of mini cardboard puzzles and one snack size pack of Annie's cheddar bunnies.

At first glance it doesn't seem too bad right? Well, in the profile that I filled out about my daughter (two months ago) I told them that she was 2... The puzzle pack and the coloring book & marker set are for ages 3 and up! She gets mad at the puzzles because they are too hard for her. As for the coloring book and markers... who thinks markers are a good idea for a two year old? She was covered in a rainbow of colors from her face to her shirt... Hopefully it washes out.

 

Now, the things we got were cute but I really don't think it was worth $25. I believe I could get her similar (age appropriate) items for less.

All in all I wasn't impressed by Citrus Lane because the stuff was not age appropriate and it took two months to get my box after they drafted my checking account. It is a neat way to try new things if you don't have time to shop or if you have older kids that can play with the items you'll get that aren't for the correct age group. I liked some of the things we got and will save them back for when she is a little older but I won't be getting anymore Citrus Lane boxes.

Keeping it real

I feel inadequate 98% of the time. My house us usually a disaster, there are toys, shoes and laundry baskets everywhere. My dishwasher is usually full and there is almost always at least one pot on the stove. 

My two and a half year old is still in diapers (we are making progress but not pushing). My one year old sleeps in our bed most of the time. 

I'm overweight, my hair is usually pulled up in a top knot, I hardly ever wear makeup. I work part time so I feel judged by both working moms and stay at home moms (weather this is all in my head or not is beside the point). 

I feel like I'm failing all the time! I've got friends that tell me that I make being a mother look so easy... It's not! It's hard, exhausting and emotionally taxing! 

Being a mother is also tremendously rewarding and incredible! When my daughter comes into the bathroom and tells me how proud she is that I went pee pee in the potty, I feel like I'm raising a positive little sweetheart! When she thanks God for beautiful days just because, my heart melts! When she offers to sing me a song to make me feel better when I'm sick, my cup overflows! 

I'm so far from perfect. Some days I'm lucky to not burst into tears! The fact is, none of us are perfect. I have this perception that all of my friends have it all together all the time while I'm over here restarting the washing machine because I forgot I put the towels in there two days ago. I can't be the only one, right? RIGHT!?

I think pinterest have given us all this sense that we aren't doing enough. We see recipes for homemade bread and patterns for homemade Halloween costumes and feel bad for buying that stuff and being "So lazy". I wish I could be lazy for a little while! Motherhood (and adulthood for that matter) isn't a competition!  

I live in a pretty small house with a good 1/3 of it under construction. We've been in the process of a remodel for over three years now (yes, I said 3 years)! That leaves us with two functioning bedrooms and one bathroom (with a tub, toilet and pedestal sink...no shower) for a family of four. The two closets we have are tiny and our bedroom is hardly big enough for our bed, Isabelle's pack and play and Chris' dresser. My dresser and Isabelle's drawers are both in my living room. I am embarrassed to have people over because my house is so disheveled and has been since we started this remodel. 

The reason for this post was to let you all know that you aren't alone. None of us is perfect, we all have struggles. Don't let your ideas of other people's perfection make you feel inadequate! You are a rock star! Keep your chin up mamas! 

Who knew?

When I entered adulthood I expected my life to go so much more differently than it has. I expected to move to somewhere warm (Florida, California, South Texas), get a job at Sea World working with dolphins and whales (no longer a dream of mine, see the documentaries “Blackfish” and “The Cove”), take some photography and art classes at a local community college, and maybe have a dog. I wasn’t in a hurry to get married or settle down.

Then I met my husband. I remember us talking one night after we had been dating for about a month and him saying, “I’m not looking to get married. I’m not one to settle down.” And I remember thinking, “You and me both buddy!”

After dating for almost two years, we got engaged, and six months later we got married. I guess we were more ready to settle down than we thought. Shortly after we got married he started talking about wanting kids. I KNEW I wasn’t ready for that just yet. I was still getting accustomed to being a wife! I was hardly 22 years old and wasn’t in a hurry. He, however, was almost 28 when we got married. Do men have biological clocks (haha)?

A couple of years after we got married, we started spending time with friends that had kids. One friend was pregnant when her husband was tragically killed in a one-car accident. I was in the hospital waiting room when her son was born, and my husband and I were at her house at least one night a week spending time with her and her beautiful children. I fell in love with her sweet little family, and I learned so much about kids and caring for babies. Spending so much time with her and her beautiful children really softened me to the idea of having our own children.

Twenty days after our fourth anniversary, I gave birth to our first daughter, Zoey, in May of 2011. My whole world changed in the moment they handed me my beautiful baby girl! I saw things differently, worried about everything more, and enjoyed just being still and loving on this tiny little creature that God had blessed us with! How was it that I had thought I wasn’t cut out to be a mother? This is what I was made for! She is two and a half now and is also a big sister to Isabelle, our one-year-old.

I find myself laughing at silly dance moves, negotiating clean dinner plates for a cookie or cupcake, and handing out stickers when we have potty success! This is so not the life I had planned. It is BETTER! Sure, there are days where both girls are wild, cutting teeth, refusing to eat anything I give them, and just wearing me out! That is normal. They are kids!

A few things that have changed since we had kids:

• We’ve traded in spontaneous outings to the lake after work in the summer for painting at the kitchen table and playing with toys.
• We’ve traded sleeping late on the weekends for waking up early with kids crawling all over us.
• Our Netflix history has changed a lot and the suggestions have changed from action, adventure, and SciFi to My Little Pony, super hero cartoons, and Curious George.
• I use to be a fast food fan and now I try to eat (and feed my family) a healthy, balanced diet.

All of these trades have been so worth it in my life! I can’t imagine my life without my husband and our sweet, beautiful, wild, silly girls! I am blessed beyond belief!

Birth story one year later

It is so hard to believe it's already been a year since my baby girl was born! Time sure flies when you are chasing two little ones around!

My due date was Jan 20th, and after going 10 days past due with my first I was already planning on baby number two arriving sometime closer to the beginning of February.

On Friday, January 11th, I started having pretty regular contractions that lasted all weekend, but they weren't always consistent. I had them off and on from the following Monday until Thursday the 17th.

On the day I went into labor (the 17th) I had a doctors appointment at 8:45 in the morning. When my doctor checked me I was at 3cm and between 70% and 80% effaced. He told me he didn't think I would make it to the end of the day. He offered to go ahead and have me admitted, but I wasn't having contractions so I went home to get ready for work (I was working 11 to 3).

When I got to work the girls surprised me with a food day. We ate and I told them about my appointment and about how my contractions had picked back up around 10:00 and were more intense. I ended up going home at 1:15 and called my husband to come on home, too. I relaxed in an Epsom salt bath while I waited for him.

We got to the hospital around 3:00 and I had progressed to 5 and a half cm! They had me fill out a pile of paperwork and stuck an IV in my hand before taking me to a room (I'm pretty sure I lost half my volume of blood when they stuck me for my IV). I got my epidural between 5:00 and 5:30 and was about 7cm by that point (way sooner than the 9cm I was at when I got my epidural with my first delivery).

My mom, aunt, sisters, brother and nephew came up to the hospital around 6:00 or so and took turns coming in to see me.

At close to 7:00 they put me on Pitocin to get me from 9 to 10 cm. At around 7:30 the nurse had me roll over on my side because baby's heart rate was slowing down during my contractions. That scared me, but after rolling from my left to my right she did better!

By 8:00 I was feeling a major urge to push! I wasn't in pain (thanks to Dr. T and his magical epidural). I just felt a lot of pressure and had to really fight the urge to push. I kept telling my nurse that I needed to push soon, but she said that the on call doctor was about to be in surgery and I would have to wait a while... Uh no, this baby is coming! I told her I was really fighting the urge to push, and she called Dr T back in to give me more pain meds (that I didn't need). When he came in he asked me if I was in pain and I said, "No, I feel pressure and I need to push! You might have to catch this baby." He and the nurse laughed, and she told me that he had to be in that surgery, too. Did nobody care that I was having a baby?! About that time the on-call doctor came in and said something about the upcoming surgery, and I said "I need to push NOW." The nurse checked me, and the baby was less than an inch from crowning! Within minutes they were telling me to push. I pushed twice and she was out!

We spent Thursday and Friday night in the hospital before finally going home. I missed my oldest daughter so much while we were at the hospital, but she did get to visit twice and seemed to have a good time at Grandma and Grandpa's. After we got home from the hospital, my husband went to pick her up and go get my pain meds from the pharmacy. He sent me a picture of her at Walgreens while they were waiting for my prescription to be filled, and I just broke down in tears because I had missed her so much! It was so good to have our little family all together!